In this advent of social media, it’s interesting to observe how social interaction has changed. So much has been removed from actually being social in the past few years and the funny thing is that the younger generation does not and will not even know it.
Remember the days when you picked up a rotary phone to make plans with your friends, or when you had to go up to the door of a house and ask someone’s mom if they could come outside? The days when you the streetlights were your playtime timer and you could camp outside without fear of someone coming to steal you or your friends or your kids?
We go on dates and have dinner without talking now. We don’t get those little paper invites with a phone number to RSVP any more, except for weddings. There’s no face-to-face communication anymore. Even with work, you’re asked to email or text everything, no more verbal communication, it all has to be electronic. The one thing that has changed the most, the one thing that is actually sort of frightening, is the concept of friendship.
In the olden days we made friends the hard way: by meeting people. Sometimes you got along, sometimes you didn’t, sometimes it was forced on you, other times it just sorta happened. We grew up with people, we became close, we became family. You met people through other people, a constant domino-effect of social interaction. I was always fascinated by the way a society builds itself, the way circles and spheres of influence are born and spread, widening and shrinking, ebbing and flowing like a tide. Sometimes, friendships would end, usually over a lack of communication, miscommunication, or even too much communication. Relationships died over infidelity exposed by perfume or cologne on clothing, mysterious stains, letters hidden in dresser drawers. Friendships ended over petty things and complex things alike.
Not any more.
Now, friendships are made by who knows who on Facebook. Oh, you have sixty-seven friends in common with someone else? Well then, WE must be friends too! It doesn’t matter if we’ve met or not, if we’ve hung out or not, if we even have any common interests or humors, we know four dozen of the same people so we have to be friends! Oh, but wait, you have a different political view? You don’t like TWILIGHT? Well then, we CAN’T be friends. You’re UNFRIENDED. Relationships are killed by emails and text messages and Tweets and Status Updates and who responded to whose Event Invitations. You have to worry about who is looking at what pictures on whose profile and what you say about what you’re doing because God Forbid some ex you still talk to see that you have a life.
We put our entire existence online for the whole world to see, and there’s no way to get rid of it. You can’t burn the letters, you can’t bleach the laundry, it’s out there FOREVER. This is an innate thing for the younger generation, but for people my age and older, maybe even a little bit younger, it’s difficult to grasp some of these changes. Well, for some. As with all generations, there are always those for whom adaptation and evolution comes easily. My grandfather was one of those, a WWII vet who easily accepted and learned new technology as it came. I think he was even becoming familiar with HTML in his final days. Pop taught other seniors how to use basic computer applications and the Internet. Compare that with my father, who has difficulty even sending a text message or taking a picture with his phone. Doesn’t stop him from picking up his land-line and calling someone.
I find it somewhat amusing to look at my Friends List on my Facebook profile and think about how many people with whom I actually interact on a regular basis. Surprisingly few. Out of more than 2000 “friends,” I can count fewer than 100 that I speak to, hang with, interact with on a daily or even weekly basis, and sadly that includes family, immediate or otherwise. They call it a Friends List, but I look at it as more of an Accumulation, a digital Rolodex (there’s an oldie for you) of people whom you’ve met, associated with, learned with, played with, slept with, drank with, cried with… I have people on mine I haven’t seen in years, even decades. I have teachers I haven’t seen since I left their classrooms. I have bunkmates from summer camp I haven’t seen since my parents picked me up. I have friends from college I haven’t seen since that party that one time at that place… you get the point. How many of us are like that? How many of us have hundreds, even thousands of “friends” that we never see? Isn’t that the whole definition of “friends?” I have a small handful of people I have regular activities with. I have a slightly wider circle of people I consider close friends or chosen family. The circle again widens with people who comment or talk to me fairly often on facebook and with whom I return the favor. Other than that…
It’s also amusing the way relationships die because of social media. If you text the wrong person the wrong things, if you email the wrong person the wrong things… these are the digital equivalent of lipstick on the collar. What’s interesting is how much smaller things, much more petty things, contribute to the death of a friendship. All it takes is the click of a button, and not only are you eliminated from a digital registry of acquaintances, this person will never again speak to you face to face, in Real reality. Maybe you differ on your opinion of the President. Maybe you stand on different sides of Gun Control. Or Gay Marriage. Or Syria. Or Israel. Maybe you’re just tired of someone’s constant Tweets or Status Posts or Game Requests. POOF. No more friend. I remember when you had to steal someone’s favorite Star Wars figure or make a nasty comment about their mom to lose a friend, now all you have to do is ignore the invitation to a cookout or birthday party. Blow somebody off that’s invited you to play Candy Crush and suddenly BOOM, they see you on the street and completely ignore you as if you had something to do with killing their dog.
Of course, that’s if they recognize you on the street anyhow. Ever notice that, how we can be friends with someone on Facebook, be sitting right next to them at a bar, and have to look four times because we KNOW we recognize them from someplace? That’s why I’m very careful about who I “Friend” on Facebook (and who ever thought that Friend would ever be a verb?). I don’t send someone a request unless we’ve either bonded very quickly or have spent actual time together. If I meet you once, I’m not gonna send you a request and I find it disturbing if I get one from you. We need to hang out, get to know each other, find out if we actually ARE friends before I make that call. I’m not one of these people who accepts just anyone. If I were famous and thousands knew who I was and liked my work, yes, that’s different. But I’m just a guy. I’m just a regular everyday schlub who works for a living and relishes my down time. So, if a friend introduces us at a party, just in passing, no I’m not gonna Facebook you. I believe in actually being FRIENDS with my Friends, and that’s one of the good things about BEING FRIENDS: even if years have gone by, even if you haven’t spoken live or seen each other in person for years on end, if you SMILE when you finally DO see that person IN PERSON:
YOU’RE FRIENDS.
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